Thursday, August 20, 2009

...and if I lead, no one's in my way.

It seems as though for a lot of people they "find themselves" while traveling around the world. At least that's the cliche. I personally could not find this to be farther from the truth. I do not feel like me. With the time that I have had to myself, I've gone over who I was, who I am and who I want to be. I am certainly not going to transform into a entirely different individual. I have always been honest with myself. No, it feels more like shedding skin. In our memories and documentation we will remember the old me, and with determination I will make the changes I want to see in myself.

I'm sorry if this too mysterious for you. I think if I listed or tried to discuss the "changes" it would make them insignificant as well as not allow me any breathing room.

One thing is for certain and I will share it with you. What I am talking about are things that I want. Sure, you can argue that you are ultimately the product of your environment; but there is a large difference between that and not being true to yourself for the sake of pleasing and being accepted by others. I can recognize this behavior and its pattern throughout my life. It's going to stop here.

You may find it naive and/or cute that only two countries have had some "profound impact" on my life. Or maybe you'll be offended for some reason. That's fine, it's your prerogative to feel however you choose. I will certainly not ever tell you how to react to something I have created or written.

But know this: Its not just traveling to and experiencing two very different countries and cultures from my own that have affected me. Its that I know that I need to experience more. Learning about something from afar is not enough. The world is far larger than I previously interpreted and I have have lived a sheltered life. Every time I go somewhere new I expect my outlook will be the least of things to change.

There are a reported 203 "sovereign states" in the world which makes me think there are more than a hundred times more different peoples and cultures worldwide. I want to know of all of them. Maybe it will help me gain a better understanding of life.


ling lek lek said...

sounds like you are finding yourself, just realizing that there's nothing really to ever find, just a direction to grow in.

Justine said...

Whoa. Emo.